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Who set the Fuhrer on fire?

Chapter 30

‘Have you done your chores, George?’ Pondo Harrington asked as George Trebble walked into the Grosvenor bar.

‘What chores?’

‘What’s mine?’ said Pondo. ‘Mine’s a double whiskey. Thanks for offering.’

George Trebble was most vulnerable to being caught by this customary frivolity on a Saturday morning, after his usual, heavy Friday night, although he had yet to buy Harrington a drink.

This morning, anyway, the regulars had other things on their minds. They were still trying to absorb what Jeff Hall had said about Fritz Buhl’s part in making things easier for the Transkei POWs. And they were agog to hear what George could tell them about the conflagration afterwards at the Rec Ground.

‘So who did it then?’ Pondo asked. ‘Who spoilt our party? Was it that spy again? You army blokes must have some idea.’

Nick Mostert, since he was no longer suspected of being “that spy”, gave his opinion. ‘I don’t think any Nazi sympathiser would have set old Adolf on fire. Even a model of him. It would go against the grain.’

‘I think you’re right, Nick,’ said Gerald Wilson. ‘So who could it have been, George?’

‘Oh, we have a pretty good idea,’ George said, mysteriously.

In fact, George Trebble had no idea at all.

Sergeant Jock Brown had arrived at the Rec the previous night at the height of the blaze. He had found volunteers from the fire brigade filling buckets of water from a solitary tap. He told them not to bother, to let the bonfire take its course. The fire was not going anywhere else.

They all watched in some awe as Adolf Hitler became animated and suddenly rose from his seat, an action generated by pockets of air in the firewood.

Someone tapped Jock Brown on the arm. It was Melvyn Swanepoel, the janitor from the Drill Hall over the road.

‘I saw them, Jock!’ he said.

Them, Swanny?’

‘Three of them,’ said Swanepoel. ‘Three women. They were running up Alexandra Road.’

Brown digested the information. ‘You’re sure it wasn’t one woman and, maybe, two men?’

‘No, Jock. Three women. For sure. All in long dresses.’

Oh, my God, Jock Brown thought. It was Ma Perkins and her mad daughters!

From his home, he phoned Digger O’Brien to tell him.

‘What are you going to do?’ Digger asked. ‘Arrest them?’

‘On what evidence?’ Jock Brown said. ‘Swanny wouldn’t be able to identify them. We’ll just have to write it off as something that happened, just something else to put in our war journal.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘But one thing, Digger,’ said Brown. ‘For God’s sake, don’t tell George Trebble. Otherwise, we’ll have another bloody public meeting and they’ll want to tar and feather the whole Perkins family!’

Surprisingly, that Saturday fete met the expectations of the organisers. The early demise of the Nazi leader probably attracted more people than otherwise would have come. Particularly after one of the volunteer firemen had a brainwave. He tied a neatly lettered sign around what was left of the broomstick that had been the Fuhrer’s spine.

It was a variation of the old Guy Fawkes chant – “Guy Fawkes, Guy, stick him in the eye!” – and it seemed to excite the many schoolchildren who thronged around the ashes. Soon, some of them began to march about, chanting, ‘Easy as pie! Stick Hitler in the eye!’

Danny watched from a distance, feeling sick. He had hoped against hope that the Perkins females would not go through with their plan. The thought that he might have been able to prevent it, if he hadn’t made that silly promise, weighed on his heart.

Moses Madasa came by, looking smart in his blazer and hat. ‘Danny, my friend!’ he said. ‘What’s the matter? You look like you lost ten shillings and picked up a sixpence.’

‘Nothing, Moses,’ said Danny. ‘Thanks. I’m fine.’

‘But where’s the smile? This is a big day! Where are your friends, Billy and the others? You should all be celebrating! Hitler’s been burned in our town! He’s gone to ashes!’

As he often did when Moses was effervescent, Danny began to feel better and asked Moses about soccer.

‘Ah, we’ve got a big game next Sunday,’ said Moses. ‘Biggest one I’ve played in. North Transkei versus South Transkei. And I’m the striker for the South. Stanley Matthews Number Two!’

Because of the nature of the day, the boys had arranged to have shorter watches on the Buhl house – until lunchtime, when Herman Weisse would close his shop for the weekend. Danny’s shift was due to start in less than an hour. He was wondering how to spend that time, when his father arrived.

‘Let’s take a stroll, Danny,’ said Digger. He led the way through the stalls. At the end of the grandstand, he stopped.

‘Charles told you,’ he said. ‘Didn’t he, Danny? He told you what his mother and sisters were going to do. That’s why you’ve been so morose recently.’

‘Yes,’ said Danny after a long pause. ‘Charles told me. But it was a secret, Dad. He made me swear not to tell anybody.’

‘And so you swore that.’

‘Yes, but I didn’t know then what the secret was going to be. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have sworn.’

‘And if someone had been hurt last night, by that bonfire, how would you be feeling now?’

Danny fought to control the welling behind his eyes. ‘I feel bad anyway. I feel I let you down. I feel I should have told you. But I couldn’t, Dad. Do you see that?’

‘Yes, I do,’ said Digger. ‘You kept a confidence, and that couldn’t have been easy. But you learned something else, too. You don’t agree to share secrets until you are quite sure what they are about.’

‘Yes, I know that now,’ said Danny.

 

It had been a good few days for Nick Mostert. He had donated five chickens to the American auction, the winners to collect them dead or alive. At the fete on the Rec, he had offered dressed fowls for sale, sharing a stall with Olive Eales, an elderly woman who bottled honey and marmalade.

Nick felt warmed by a sudden sense of belonging. People in the passing crowd seemed to know who he was, although he was unable to recognise too many. Almost before he realised it, all his chickens had been sold. Digger O’Brien stopped by to exchange a few words. Ian Ross, the doctor who had removed the plaster from his leg, wanted to know if it pained him in the cold weather.

After that fiasco, when he was caught in a lie about being an air force pilot, it was an unexpected feeling. He had thought he would be frustrated, like a magician stripped of his bag of tricks, no longer able to impress people with the fantasies he spun in his mind. Instead, he now found it almost cathartic, knowing that the locals were likely to question anything they believed might be a fabrication.

So, simply, Nick Mostert had been put in a position where he was forced to tell the truth – or if not the whole truth, then most of it. He knew it wouldn’t last. When eventually he moved on to another place, another town, those old fantasies would inevitable be revived. But in the meantime, he felt strangely content.

In this mood, Mostert sought to quench his thirst at the Grosvenor bar. It was late afternoon and the regulars were in their usual places.

‘Hey, Nick!’ said Pondo Harrington. ‘Is it true you’ve never been down to the Wild Coast? Well, isn’t it about time you went? Alf and I are planning a trip to spend the money I won off Ginger there. Why don’t you come along?’

‘How do you plan to travel?’ asked Nick. ‘On the railway bus?’

‘No, in that De Soto of yours.’

Nick Mostert laughed. Harrington was irrepressible. Still, he thought, it wasn’t a bad idea. Perhaps Pondo had some contacts down there who would want to buy a load of chickens. Then again, considering the company he and Alf kept, perhaps not.

‘All right, Pondo,’ Nick said. ‘When would you two be free to go?’

‘Oh, we’re free, Nick, old man!’ said Harrington. ‘Free as air!’

From John Ryan’s Spy story

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least reporters got a response

By the sort of contradiction that modern technology often inflicts upon us, the personal computer most “print” journalist use to transmit their copy is, essentially, impersonal.
They simply send a story through the international ether. Sometimes its receipt is acknowledged, sometimes not.
The post office cable, the old-fashioned telex message, was an umbilical cord. It even has its own idiom.
Cable-ese we called it. Because the cost of press telegrams was calculated by the word, and that cost obviously ballooned with distance, prefixes were used. Un- meant no or not; pro- for or to; et, and; ex-, from; and con-, with. Soonest meant as soon as possible.
It was a shorthand that sms experts might consider looking at today.
This genre of language produced one classic story of the Reuters man dispatched by his London office to Zanzibar after the 1964 revolution. A week passed with no word from him. The foreign editor sent a cable: “Why unnews?” he demanded.
Not much was happening on the spice island after a spate of killings and arrests, so the reporter sent a message back. “Unnews, good news,” it said.
The response from the foreign editor came the same afternoon. Short and sharp. “Unnews, unjob,” he cabled.
A threat like that would have sent most journalists to their typewriters to dash off the first “situationer” piece that came to mind. This correspondent, however, was made of sterner stuff. “That makes you forty-love,” he replied.
The need to keep down cabling costs led to some wonderful invention. Another Fleet Street friend spent three weeks in Addis Ababa during a similar lull in news. Eventually, he sent the foreign editor a two-word cable: “Nunc dimittis.” Which translated, as choirboys past and present know, means “Lord, let now thy servant depart in peace . . .”
Quick as a flash, the foreign editor replied with another biblical reference: “Matthew 24.6.”
My friend reached for the hotel Gideon’s, looked up the reference, then rang for bar service. Matthew 24.6 held no comfort for a restless soul.
It read: “But the time is not yet.”
Often, service messages could take on a certain ambiguity. More so if the receiving party chose to read them that way.
Eric Robins, a veteran Time correspondent, was declared a prohibited immigrant in the former Rhodesia after Ian Smith’s UDI. He and I were staying at the same hotel in Lusaka when he received the notification. Earlier, Eric had written a profile of Sir Roy Welensky for the magazine. Welensky was the first and last premier of the doomed Central African Federation, a former professional boxer and a florid personality.
At three o’clock in the morning Zambia time, hours before publication of his piece, Robins was dragged from his bed by a porter monitoring the hotel telex machine.
It was a message from his New York office. “How old Welensky?” it said.
Eric was infuriated. He knew Roy Welensky’s date of birth had to be in a hundred files in the Time library and that the person editing his article could easily have looked it up.
So he sent this message back: “Old Welensky fine,” it said. “How you?”

From One man’s Africa