A comedian for a President

NOW Parliament’s number one comic laughingly dismisses his controversial Nkandla residence as “just a house”.

If so, South Africa’s taxpayers have every right to feel cheated. For R246 million, they would have expected rather more for their money. Particularly since the final figure was far beyond the original budget.

But Jacob Zuma is wrong. “Just a house” would be one of those dwellings down in the valley, made of wattle and daub or corrugated iron and scrounged wood. Painfully close to Nkandla, should he deign to lower his lofty gaze to take them in.

Or, moving up, the term could apply to a low cost house of the kind intended to replace informal houses.

The president might be interested to know that what was splurged on Nkandla could have built more than four thousand of those. Had the government chosen the “site and service” option (providing lights, water and a slab, with cost-price material for residents to build their own home) that number would be considerably higher. I will not try to estimate how many shacks could be erected with that money, but the figure must be in the hundred thousands.

Going further up the ladder, many families in the middle and higher income bracket might occasionally regard their homes as “just a house” because they’ve become too familiar with them or outgrown them.

But nowhere can the term refer to a place with a swimming pool that cost as much as an upper middle-class home (pool companies say they could have built an Olympic-size pool for half the price); a cattle kraal and chicken run; conference centre, amphitheatre, helicopter pad, underground bunker, tuckshop; and separate residences for four wives, cosseted at State expense.

Such a place is a monstrosity.

Recently, Mr Zuma seems to be resorting more and more to laughter and derision as his defence mechanisms. He chuckled when parliamentary officials broke the rules and called in the police to control Julius Malema’s Economic Freedom Front. This week, he chortled at the Leader of the Opposition’s claim that he was a “broken man”.

And he sniggered at the general mispronunciation of Nkandla (though why anyone should wish to properly pronounce a word that only amounts to “just a house”, goodness knows.)

Is Jacob Zuma giggling while the ANC burns? A growing number of South Africans must be hoping so.